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Kinky Friedman

Last updated:  23 December 1998


It wasn't a healthy attitude, but it wasn't really a healthy world.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), A case of Lone Star. New York (Wings Books), 391

If you are firmly enough rooted in your masculinity, it shouldn't bother you much to have a woman on top of you. It's a good deal more relaxing, it's often more satisfying for both parties, and you can see a lot more of what's going on.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), A case of Lone Star. New York (Wings Books), 389

Daydreaming while smoking cigars can be a fire hazard. It can be as dangerous as drugs and booze unless you know what you're doing. If you know what you're doing, it can be as safe as walking down the street.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), When the cat's away. New York (Wings Books), 418

If you're patient and you wait long enough, something will usually happen and it'll usually be something you don't like.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), When the cat's away. New York (Wings Books), 418

As a general rule of thumb, however, if you thought of New York as a Negro talking to himself and of California as a VCR with nothing to put in, you wouldn't be too far off the mark.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), A case of Lone Star. New York (Wings Books), 379

It was a nice neighborhood. If you liked neighborhoods.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), A case of Lone Star. New York (Wings Books), 302

New York was the kind of place where you could hide from anything. Possibly even yourself.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), A case of Lone Star. New York (Wings Books), 274

In six days the Lord created the heavens and the earth and all the wonders therein. There are some of us who feel that He might have taken just a little more time.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), A case of Lone Star. New York (Wings Books), 356

But if you're paranoid long enough, sooner or later you're gonna be right.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), A case of Lone Star. New York (Wings Books), 325

Golf is the only opportunity that middle-aged Wasps have to dress up like a pimp.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), When the cat's away. New York (Wings Books), 477

Every time you see a beautiful woman, just remember, somebody got tired of her.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), When the cat's away. New York (Wings Books), 476

The main health hazard in the world today is people who don't love themselves.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), When the cat's away. New York (Wings Books), 531

Cats are a fairly right-wing group politically. They are lovers of the status quo. They don't like anything that might represent change. They hate marriages, divorces, moving days, graduations, bar mitzvahs, bill collectors, rug shampooners, painters, plumbers, electricians, television repairmen, out-call masseuses, Jehovah's Witnesses, and just about everything else, most of which I agree with them about.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), When the cat's away. New York (Wings Books), 481

"I'm not afraid to die," I said. "I'm not afraid to live. I'm not afraid to fail. I'm not afraid to succeed. I'm not afraid to fall in love. I'm not afraid to be alone. I'm just afraid I might have to stop talking about myself for five minutes."
Friedman, Kinky (1993), When the cat's away. New York (Wings Books), 449

We're all worm bait waiting to happen. It's what you do while you wait that matters.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), When the cat's away. New York (Wings Books), 434

Now I have a cat. Well, that's not quite accurate. A cat and I have each other.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), When the cat's away. New York (Wings Books), 421

Most people, of course, spend their lives caring about the wrong things. The worry about South Africa or Nicaragua. They spend so much time finding themselves that they lose their taxicabs. They don't see that what kind of napkin you get at a delicatessen is a matter of much significance in the world today.
That's why they don't get linen.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), When the cat's away. New York (Wings Books), 446-447

They say that death is just nature's way of telling you to slow down a little bit.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), When the cat's away. New York (Wings Books), 437

Home was a meaningless word in New York.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), A case of Lone Star. New York (Wings Books), 252

I could imagine a number of things that would look good on her. One of them was myself.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), Greenwich Killing Time. New York (Wings Books), 80

True New Yorkers would stand in line only at the Carnegie Delicatessen. Or the lottery. Or the soup kitchen on the Bowery.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), Greenwich Killing Time. New York (Wings Books), 73

Sleep came slower than a frigid woman.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), Greenwich Killing Time. New York (Wings Books), 93

When you have a cat, you assume certain responsibilities that, in a spiritual sense, may transcend those of a marital or a business relationship.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), Greenwich Killing Time. New York (Wings Books), 88

Cats, as a rule, don't like lawyers. They have great insight into human character.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), Greenwich Killing Time. New York (Wings Books), 48

I rarely meddled in the cat's personal affairs and she rarely meddled in mine. Neither of us was foolish enough to attribute human emotions to our pets.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), Greenwich Killing Time. New York (Wings Books), 12

There are no good lawyers. There may be lady wrestlers and Catholic universities. There may be military intelligence. But a good lawyer is a contradiction in terms.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), Greenwich Killing Time. New York (Wings Books), 12

He looked a shade too healthy and nobody likes that. Particularly in New York.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), Greenwich Killing Time. New York (Wings Books), 42

I'd often felt that a man without a woman was like a neck without a pain.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), Greenwich Killing Time. New York (Wings Books), 24

There are worse things in this world than being lonely, but I didn't ever want to find out what they were. I was used to lonely. Lonely fit me like an old hunting vest. I would wear it in good health.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), Greenwich Killing Time. New York (Wings Books), 217

They say God created whiskey to keep the Irish from taking over the world.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), Greenwich Killing Time. New York (Wings Books), 216

You have to work at it if you want to be a good smoker. Especially today with all the nonsmoking world constantly harassing you.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), A case of Lone Star. New York (Wings Books), 245

Friday night was the night most people thought they were supposed to have fun. Trouble was most people didn't know what fun was or how to have it, so things usually ended up pretty ugly.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), A case of Lone Star. New York (Wings Books), 238

I knew I wasn't as stupid as I looked. No one was.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), Greenwich Killing Time. New York (Wings Books), 204

On the whole, I preferred cats to women because cats seldom if ever used the word "relationship".
Friedman, Kinky (1993), Greenwich Killing Time. New York (Wings Books), 135

The guy standing on the tiny stage never missed a chance to take a simple idea and intellectualize it until it disappeared completely.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), Greenwich Killing Time. New York (Wings Books), 114

In New York nobody really regarded anybody as dead; we just thought of them as not currently working on a project.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), Greenwich Killing Time. New York (Wings Books), 199

She was the kind of girl that older dentists find attractive. She had a nice set of teeth, a fair set of knockers, and a lousy set of values. She was a chemical puppet.
Friedman, Kinky (1993), Greenwich Killing Time. New York (Wings Books), 180


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